> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://dd.malinoix.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # When God Says No - URL: https://dd.malinoix.com/when-god-says-no/ - Published: 2011-07-27T00:00:44.000Z - Updated: 2011-07-27T00:00:44.000Z - Author: Maggie Winterton - Tags: Devotionals, Faith, Body Image, Faith, Health, #wordpress, #Import 2026-10-12 13:59 I wanted to dig up this blog post from 2004, but I’ve been so busy with life that it took me longer to find it. I did a clean sweet of my blog a few years ago and removed all blog posts from my beginning years of blogging, but I felt God impressing this one on my heart to share again–a key principle that most (if not all) will learn at some point. *Do not be afraid.* *You are not alone.* **\[What happens when God says no? -Previously Posted, November 23, 2004\]** This Thanksgiving will be a one-year anniversary for me. Last Thanksgiving is when the bumps on my right pinky finger got infected and started rapidly spreading. I let it spread for 2 months before coming home from my mission’s trip. At the time I just thought, *“well, God is God and He must heal me*.” **I was SO offended when God didn’t heal me.** Well, if I would have taken proper care of myself I would have come home immediately and gotten off my high horse and humbled myself, swallowed my pride that I F-A-I-L-E-D at being the missionary *I* wanted to be, and thought God wanted me to be. I would have spared myself lots of needless suffering. *I feel like screaming!* **I am realizing that life is not always about this big spiritual high.** Yes, God is sovereign and He is in CONTROL OF EVERYTHING, but I cannot analyze everything and say things like “God said” or “God told” or whatever. *I want to be Holy Spirit led, yes*. *I want to be God’s child and obey Him, yes.* *I want God’s will for my life, yes.* **Sometimes I get so caught up in my pride and my life and where I want to go that I can’t help but making a big fool out of myself.** Who the heck knows where my life is going now! I have to re-build. It’s only been about 4 months that my life has been in an okay, and somewhat stable position. I am working now, barely, and surviving okay. *My soul yearns for more, yes, but I am not letting myself get to the point where I was before.* I’ll never forget being on the phone with my dermatologist (*whose only reference to God was the cross warn around her neck*) over the weekend. I had called her home in an emergency because my rash was now all the way up my arms. ***I felt so helpless that I wanted to commit suicide, and she told me “well, sometimes God says NO!”*** *Tears.* *Tears.* *Tears.* *Tears.* *Tears.* *Seek God FIRST, and then all these things will be added to you.* Two weeks later, I gather enough courage and physical strength to go to church, ask the pastor to pray over me. *I believe that I need God first and if I die, I die.* *If I can’t use my arms, I can’t use them.* *If another man finds me attractive again…* *If I never work again…* *If I never write again, I will be okay.* *Not my will but yours.* **From that Sunday on, God removed the rash from my arms, and has been helping me deal with any flare ups on my right hand where it started.** Give thanks to the Lord for He is good (and faithful). His love endures forever. Pictures from 2004: Finger & Hand before it spread all the way up my arms. [![](https://dd.malinoix.com/content/images/wordpress/2010/10/finger-300x225.jpg "finger")](https://dd.malinoix.com/content/images/wordpress/2010/10/finger.jpg)[![](https://dd.malinoix.com/content/images/wordpress/2010/10/hand-300x225.jpg "hand")](https://dd.malinoix.com/content/images/wordpress/2010/10/hand.jpg)